Somewhere out there a heart beats slow
lonely and cold, wanting to go.
Yes again it's me I'm bad
Always crying, always sad.....
A heavy hand lays in my chest
my heart left...it knew best.
A rock so solid lays there instead
that downward feeling of utter dread.
Tears that fell have run quite dry
gut wrenching sobs only Kerry knows why.
Sometimes I wonder what purpose is living
after all the hurt that people are giving....
Too much stress, too much pain
I just want to find oblivion again.
If I was on heroin it would be so easy
just that extra amount so so sleazy
to go that way, but no bad pain
just go to sleep, never wake again.
But I'm a coward at heart, cant even die
to leave them behind but why?
This post is so cruel I know, but hey
that's how I feel at the end of this day...
Depression speaks louder than courage I know
but how I wish I could lie down and go.
This is not a sympathy line
Just cant take no more, nothing is fine.
Delete if you want, I'm breaking the rules
I know you dont want to suffer this fool....
What am I doing here anyway
when I have nothing supportive to say....
Waste of time, waste of space
Friends I once loved have abandoned this place.
I feel isolated and very alone
cant even be bothered to answer my phone.
This room is full of Christmas now
I've always loved Christmas, but dreading and how!!!
Pit of my stomach is filled with lead
thoughts of self loathing are rife in my head.
Trusting is gone, not much anyway
Fear is lurking with each passing day.
I just cant think straight.
I just cant function.
I just feel guilt
about every minute, tiny little thing I do, say, think.

Will my heart come back to me, maybe
will my head stop aching, maybe
can I take my own advice, no
I'm sorry I am so weak, I do try so hard.
but I even failed at that.

I fail at everything I touch

mother, daughte, wife, person, victim, life. My heart is truly broken into a thousand pieces because I failed all my life.....

who am I what have I become.....a monster, a breathing loser.

pathetic