Thanks for the kind reply.
I will study more on the bp1.

as I grow older and the importance to stay calm and collected becomes greater, I do worry how it will affect my future...

I have gone through my whole life feeling detached from reality ....almost like I am in a dream...kinda hard to describe...and frequently have to remind myself that despite the way I feel I am really here and alive and conscious

weird I know...but most of my delusions & hallucinations are real to me and I feel any doctor would just label them as delusions/hallucinations...I can remember vivid ones all the way back to age 3-4....this does not happen every day or month ( the supernatural hallucinations), and I am not sure what triggers them....but the feeling of being detached from reality has always existed, as well as the paranoia/delusions

also it is probably important to note I am nonviolent and never have been...most just take the attitude that I am crazy and overlook things I say....until I start to repeat myself...or don't let them finish what they are saying since I usually feel comfortable I already know what it is and stop them short with my reply