I wish I could help, but I feel a pretty similar way that you do. I'll be 34 this year, and other than a brief online relationship I've never had anyone. I truly feel that I'm cursed to live my life alone because I just don't see anyone ever wanting to be with me. I feel that I will just get desperate enough eventually that I too will just have to settle for someone I won't really have strong feelings for, just so I won't have to be alone in my life anymore.

I did ruin the online relationship I had going, I let my problems get in the way of something that really seemed special and now I regret it so much. I got to a point where my problems were getting to me so much that I ended things, which was a stupid choice to make because I know she really cared about me. So now I worry that I will just mess anything else up too.

I guess if I could offer some advice it would be to stop letting your past hurt your future. Yeah it sounds like you really had something special going on, and I'm sure that's painful, but if you just dwell on that one missed opportunity then it will just lead you to even more missed opportunities because you will be stuck in the past. I think it's just time you moved on, try and forget what happened, and try and find someone else. So you messed up once, okay everyone makes mistakes, but you have to learn from that mistake so it doesn't happen again.

Anyway good luck. I don't know you but I bet you're a good person, so just keep trying I'm sure you can find someone else just don't give up.