Hello noirdasies: I just replied to your introductory post. I can't really comment with regard to your concerns here. But I noticed no one had yet replied to your post. So I thought I would.

I'm not especially knowledgeable with regard to these sorts of things. But my understanding is that the principle therapy for BPD is considered to be Dialectical Behavioral therapy (DBT). And then, of course, individual therapy can also be beneficial. These are, I would guess, the primary remedies for the types of problems you're experiencing, if you have not been, or are not, involved with these. Hopefully some other members, here on PC, may have some more specific suggestions to offer. I wish you well.