Dear R,

I want to show you the poems, but...I feel like that would be wasting time. On the other hand, they're the truest representation of my feelings at the moment. I wish there were some way to strip back all the flowery language, and just get me to say it exactly as it was...and is. It frustrates me no end that I was 'shamed' into denying intrusive thoughts four years ago. Now, they're back...full force, and then some.

For something that never actually happened, this situation is consuming me. Whether I show you the poems or not this week, please don't allow me to disappear into my head. That's not why either of us are in the same place at the same time.

I either feel numb or edgy at the moment. It's all I can do not to Google transactional analysis, but I don't want to know too much.

Three more sleeps...see you soon.