A couple of weeks ago something triggered my anxiety. I don't know what, a lot of it is still subconscious (hence break from therapy rather than ending). But all my physical symptoms are returning. Eczema, chest pains, fatigue. I struggle to sleep but then when I do I have nightmares that wake me in terror, or that scare my partner enough he wakes me. I've been missing T a lot anyway, but then last night I had a dream about him. It made me realize just how much I miss him, and I know it's stupid. I'm just a name on a list to him. This is the first time I've felt I need him, but because I don't know why, its making me frustrated with myself. For the first time in over a year I've thought about s.h. I swore I wouldn't now I have a baby, but that's just making me more annoyed with myself!

Note I want to contact T to tell him how being away so long is making me upset and worry I won't see him again, should I? Is it stupid? I know it sounds clingy. I've not contacted him for 4 months (and six months before that). I've drafted something, think I'm too cowardly to send.