It sounds like you're suffering from depression with a lot of agitation. I can understand why you would want to feel numb. I've been there. I don't think it matters whether it's because your life 'sucks,' as you say, or due to a BP episode, I think you need the help of your pdoc. If for no other reason, then that you could hurt yourself, either by SI or taking too much meds.

While you wait to see your pdoc, do you have any coping mechanisms? That you've learned in therapy, for example? These can be a good bridge as we wait to see our pdocs. Anything you can think of -that's not destructive- to help get you through? i.e. exercise to burn off some of the agitation? Even if it's just at home?