Is love real? It's a strange question because I'm sure almost everyone has a similar automatic reaction, of course love is real. But as I sit here in the cased in quiet of a snowy night with a cup of lemon tea and a wandering mind, I'm left wondering: do I really believe in romantic love?

In the course of a romantic relationship there's all of those familiar stages. Attraction, courtship, passion, consumation, bonding, commitment, family, routine, seven year itch, lifelong partnership, and so on. And with each stage there is a set of emotions that define it. Consider attraction. You feel excited, anxious, nervous, giddy. Passion you might describe with words like lust, release, exhileration. And even commitment would use words like comfort, security, trust, affection.

So what is romantic love? Is it a combination of these emotional states taken simultaneously or in succession? Is it needing somebody to feel whole? And if so, isn't that just a complicated arrangement of codependence?

Could it be that the missing piece here is selflessness? That, "I would die for this person" feeling? And if that's the case, what differentiates it from say the love we feel for our children? And why can romantic love go away while the love we have for say, a child, is permanent?

The other wonder about romantic love is that it's not the same thing from beginning to end. Two young lovers kissing on a pier is very different from the old couple sitting quietly together watching that same ocean.

So what is it? Is it anything? Is it like a puzzle where you can't see the whole picture if you're looking at the pieces?

Maybe I don't know because I've never been in love? I mean, I think I love my wife but not being sure what that means, how can I know? Maybe over the last twelve years I've just gotten very used to her. And if that's all love is, then I could easily learn to love any long term room mate, right?

So feel free to weigh in. What is it, is it real, do you know if you're in it, can you choose it?

I look forward to your thoughts.

Cyran0