The last year, 2016, was rough for me, but I was recovering from it, until the last two weeks. I haven't been me, at all. It's not like DID/MPD at all. I'm still one person but this dark side of me has seemed to take over. It's only happened once before but it wasn't a pleasant time for anyone. I have no conscience when it comes to hurting people, I wouldn't ever hurt a living thing myself, but I feel happy when it happens to them, and satisfied. Even people I like. I have no feelings, it's an ocean of apathy except this thing that sits in my chest. I'm very cold and cruel. I don't talk much, I just sit and observe.

I feel this intense hatred and disdain for everything and everyone no matter who they are, even complete strangers. I find myself wondering what gives them the right to exist and hope they stop soon, and find myself happy at the thought.

Logically i know this isn't right, and it's not me. But I don't know what to do. I've been without a T for 5 weeks cause of my office being incompetent morons, when they forgot to re-assign me to another T when my quit. Not that it was a big deal, I didn't honestly care for the one I had beyond being friends with her, but she didn't fit well as a T for me. So her leaving was a relief in a way. And I thought maybe I could start anew.

But anyway I see this new one on the 5th of May. We'll see what she says. I find it difficult to pretend that I actually care, cause I honestly do not. I try, and logically I am trying to force myself to care because thats whats normal. But you can't force genuine emotions. ANd I genuinely do not care.

It bothers me in a logical/intelligent way that I'm not me, but emotionally/mentally/spirit/soul like way it does not.
Maybe I'm being possessed who knows? Doesn't matter either way.