I'm really sorry you're going through this I haven't been in your situation, but have a couple of friends who are trans and both of them went through some really difficult times. I believe it must be really difficult.
I understand that you've got to a point where everything feels hopeless. Just know that there are solutions though...I can't suggest anything specific, but there are definitely people and places to turn to. But yeah, sometimes takes time to find them, I know.
Would seeing a therapist be an option for you?

Otherwise feel free to share here more about the issues you're facing, it could be really helpful just to write them down.