I don't have any ideas, but I do wish you all the best.

I don't think you're, "making it up" as you put it

it's just overwelming for you.. it's a new experience, and it's a big thing to have to get used to

as for me, personally, no, I don't ever think about making it up.I do sometimes wonder (when i'm doing okay), I wonder if I ever had mental illness to begin with,

but then you realise that when you get worse again, it all comes back, yes, yes you do. this is your life.

I can't speak for everyone here, but i'm pretty sure i'm not the only person who has had those feelings