I was wondering how you made out, sorry that you never got to have that talk.

One of the things I find so unhealthy is how your children are exposed to this dysfunction. Your children don't know "what" to think about this situation and all they really want is for their family to fit back together and function so they no longer have to be stuck in limbo and stress about what will happen with their mommy and daddy.

Your wife is also being selfish when it comes to the children because they really don't understand what is going on when she drags them with her to stay overnight with this other man who is married or that he spends time at their home. To top that off they are being put in the middle in that they are reporting what they are seeing to you and you get confused and angry and they see you want to fix this and you are trying and it's not working.

It's getting to the point where your wife is being selfish and the rest of her family is left in limbo and this really is not "fair" to the children. It's wrong that your children tell you what they are witnessing and your wife insists on denying this too. The is SO BAD for children to be exposed to. What this boils down to in them is "mommy and daddy don't love me enough to think about how this is hurting me". This most definitely creates life time challenges, what you need to do is make it a point to get your wife aware of this FACT. These childhood experiences are what contribute to borderline personality disorder, anxiety issues and depression, this is a fact so you and your wife HAVE TO settle this for your children that definitely don't deserve the STRESS this is causing them to experience. Your children "do" see how your wife is cold and angry and distant and it's hurting them in ways they don't deserve. Children don't have the life skills to handle any of this.