(((Mr. Stranger)))),

I am sorry you are experiencing this negative environment right now. Do your best to acknowledge things about your parents that you now most definitely see are toxic. But whatever you do, don't turn this anger inward and blame yourself. This is what your parents taught you to do, so now that you are seeing that it's important that you take steps to correct it where you don't turn your anger inward. This kind of toxic situation is a challenge, believe me I hear you. It's hard because what you are witnessing is how toxic people literally have no idea just how toxic their behavior patterns really are and how if affects others.

I feel for you because I have some very toxic family challenges going on myself and honestly, I am often at a loss as to what to do about it and I tend to self blame and then I see how I was unknowingly taught to do just that and how far back that goes, so you are really not alone with this challenge.

I know this is hard, but, you have to learn to distance yourself from this toxic behavior that your father/mother are trying to get you involved in. You did not know any better when you were a child, but now that you are an adult you can make a choice to not participate, and when you get angry and then turn that anger inward, you are allowing yourself to participate. I know this is a challenge because I struggle with it myself. However, if you sit and really think about it, look at all the different people who come to this site struggling in so many different ways because of how they got sucked into participating in some kind of "toxic" family/work/relationship/social situation.

Now, it's also important that you don't take on a complete idea where you decide to not think of anyone else besides yourself because that is exactly how your father and mother are. I know a lot of people are like that too. It's difficult to develop a balance when it comes to interacting with other human beings. If it wasn't this forum would not be so busy. You are actually more a "part of" then you realize. So don't beat yourself up for just being human.

Parents are supposed to help us figure out how to navigate our way through life, but more often than not they fail in so many ways. Your father and mother are practicing what "they" were taught and they really believe how they raised you was right. This has been a problem in human nature as a hole. I mean, look at all the toxic crap that is going on globally. Actually because of all our technology that we now have, we are a lot more exposed to that reality. Human beings develop customs and social structures as a way to help make life predictable and safe, to get a societal group all on the same page. That is how human beings are designed, its what has always been a part of existentialism. So what you are witnessing in your parents is what they were taught to believe in whatever culture they were born and raised in. The more isolated a culture is, the more that culture will practice the same customs that get handed down from one generation to the next. And if that structure is threatened? There is always anger and fighting too. Even within the same culture there is divide and arguments too. Yeah, even in one's own family unit too. It's not your fault human beings are so challenging believe me.