Thank you, Vertigo and Scatterbrained. Kind words. And thank you also for birthday wishes along with Hopeless, Coco & Jennifer. You guys rock.

Jennifer, I hope your birthday is good! You are extremely sweet and you totally deserve it!

Fharriage--yes, past in the past. Yes, reinvent life. Still in that place where I am afraid, though, of who I will become. Was just thinking about that the other day. Asked hubby, "Who will I be when this is all over?" He thought I meant our marriage. Poor guy. This is so tough on him too.

Read a story about a federal prisoner turned Georgetown law professor in the Post. I actually felt jealous. I often feel jealous of others' successes when I am down. Like life is so damn unfair. If I didn't have this disease...When is it my turn? You know, thoughts like these are the stuff of my jealous dreams. Still, the story inspired me enough to copy and try to remember this line: "You can only change the future."

Thank you especially for the tissues. I'm not getting the kind of support I need from in-person people. I think they are sick of hearing about it. And I feel guilty for bringing it up.

gina_re, yes. know what I need to do too. But I can't do them either. I am adding things back in one by one. super basic things, like those related to grooming and keeping the house up. I had my husband buy facial towelettes last week so I can at least wash my face in the evenings. My complexion has been bumpy, oily, dry, zitty, and strange from not washing for days and sometimes weeks on end. I guess that's what happens when you are struggling to just take a dang shower occasionally. And I so get you about the eating thing. If you are worried about losing weight, at LEAST make sure to get enough fluids every day. I know how hard that is.

My therapist has been in communication with my husband and hubby now tracks my activities in Excel and emails results to T the results, including whether I eat (wouldn't if I weren't handed food most times, except for the junk you food you mentioned), do yoga, sleep, take meds, ect. I feel like screaming, "I AM SICK MONTHS IN! SHOULDN'T THIS BE BETTER BY NOW!?"

Singer, how did you know popcorn is my very most favorite foody thing int he world? when I can eat nothing else, I can eat popcorn. Thank you for sending!

neverending, happy birthday to you! your words were strengthening and encouraging. I totally know what you mean about the party. My husband and two of our friends were supposed to plan one for me. My husband being ADHD easily forgets things and he's also overwhelmed with just how our life is. I did NOT remind any of them.

Bipolar Angel, I will try to add this one thing, being thankful, to my routine when next I am able to add another thing. As I mentioned above, I added using the facial towelettes each night this week. I don't push myself to add something every week. I just do what I can, when I can. Gratitude is a big deal because it is a small thing that makes big changes. I am grateful for each of you and your support.

Wild Coyote, thank you so much for what you said about how it takes a lot of determination, courage, and patience to just go on each day. It does and the ups and downs are so frustrating. My therapist said I was courageous last week in session, but It's hard to believe that for very long. You have reminded me of these important words.

No body understands it like you guys do.