So, I've been married since 2002. I don't remember moving in with the guy, buying the house with him, marrying him... I was a different me back then. We had a rather major host shift a few years back and here I am now, so yeah. Anyway, he knows this. He's been a champ and then some in dealing with me over the years whoever me might be. Mostly he treats the resident 'me' as the 'me' who was there before... except littles or teens, of course, but he treats the resident adult who is living life as the same as before. It's like we're all the same to him.

This weekend, I really did hurt his feelings. I didn't mean to. I just wanted to have a talk about this one thing and I have made it clear over the last three years or whatever I have been doing a lot of the life living that I am not the one he married and that I think, feel, relate, interact with the world/people/whatever different than the ones before me. I thought I was effectively communicating and that he understood. I was wrong. He and I have had a huge communication mishap go down. We both failed to understand where the other was coming from. He did not know or believe me or I dunno what when I told him how I lack a large part of the memories he and I have had over the years. I just have zero connect or recall to so much of that stuff. I told him this. Maybe it was too much for him to handle. I dunno. I told him I do not feel the same in regards to a lot of the stuff that the one he married felt. She and I are very different in a lot of big ways. I think it hit him hard for the first time that I really am not his wife. Which is weird because I am. I mean, it's not like when previous hosts leave the new one pops out in a brand new body or something. This stuff confuses me, I can't imagine how much it must confuse him.

I dunno. Despite the fact I totally shook his whole little world upside down and sideways and all ways but right.... I think it's a good thing? I've been telling him over these past few years I'd like to take time to get to know each other and connect and so on. I think he really gets it now. There's so much about him I am clueless to because he never told me and so much he doesn't know about me because he is not a fan of talking. I mean, to him, we are in the comfort zone of marriage where you know everything about the other... for me, it's barely at the three year mark. This is new to me. Just because he told 'a me' about x, y, or z, it does not mean I know it. And just because he 'knows' x, y or z about me, doesn't mean he really does. It just means he knows that about some version of me who is not exactly me. Reality is, he doesn't know much about me either. I'm not happy how this stuff came about, but I'm happy it's finally getting addressed. Maybe some good can come from this.

So yeah. Weird weekend.

Any of you have that happen? You come around, get treated like some other you while trying to live their life and have people treat you like you are some other you? How do you deal with this? I thought I had a good handle on it, but I found out I was wrong and then some. I was so clueless as to how wrong I was dealing with this with him. Any tips or ideas about this kinda thing? Best I got right now is to try to gently nudge him in playing the getting to know you game... asking him to get into details about this that or the other. I also plan to get into things I do remember from life, things I can actually connect to, and gently remind him that even if he has heard this before, he has not heard my take/thoughts on it... besides, sharing with him should help me feel more of a bond to him, right? I don't really know what else to try with him besides nudging him to get out of comfort zone with me and spend more time communicating. Because really, he and I have not done nearly enough of that. Sound like a good plan or might that end up hurting him more? I am so clueless right now.

Yeah, so I'm talking a lot and will stop that now. If you got through my lil novel here, I thank ya.

-V