I wanna quit obsessing over the so called friendship I have built in my head which was caused due to my episode back in late August 2016 that caused me to be infatuated by her because she's the only person to ever help me out and care enough to bring me to the docs, or the hospital, to ask about my life. I'm much better in the feelings I have for her, already told her she means a lot to me due to her helping me out and she said it made her day. I want her to text me because she wants to continue keeping in touch, I want her to call me because she wants to call me, I want to hang out with her because she wants to hang out with me.

I'm sure it's best I just disappear for a long while. I'm sure i'll never get a hello text or a phone call from her so maybe it's better this way since I went back to therapy but that's a whole different thing for me. Maybe i'll message her before 2017 ends or sometime in 2018, but we been texting once or twice a week (used to be everyday for a few weeks back in Sept), back when I did text her last month she was recently telling me she's been thinking about me and once told me she loves me on the phone (friend love no doubt). I also told her the best day of my life was the day she came with me to the doctors to tell them I was suicidal, also had a coffee and a walk along the beach and she sat beside me and that even made her day she said.

I feel so toxic inside, I need to just worry about myself for now.