It's okay to ask for anything you want. But asking isn't getting, as you've found out. It may be that this marriage, as a marriage, is simply over. Quite honestly, it sounds like you two are just not in love anymore. Are the both of you there mainly because it would be financially tough to go your separate ways? Do you each have jobs?

If you want to work on the marriage, I would suggest you both stop talking to each other through psycho-babble. Make out as if you had no idea who was diagnosed with what. Erase terms like trauma, bpd, and triggering. Nevermind telling him what pronouns to use. Start the process by talking to him using the vocabulary you had when you were in 6th grade. That's really all you need. You, for one, and maybe him too, are looking through a film of stuff you picked up in therapy. Set that aside, at least for awhile. Just speak basic English - like an 8 year old would understand.

If he tells you how you feel, and he's incorrect, you can say "That's not true. I don't feel that way." You may be someone who finds psych theory more relevant than he does. Put the theories you picked up away for awhile.

So you know your husband has had "severe trauma." I'm guessing you may be right about that. You don't have to tell us, but ask yourself if that's the way he sees it. How does what happened to him seem to affect how he relates to you? It's okay to have a theory, but realize he may not see the dynamics in the same context as you do. If you are the one who terminated sex, then he probably feels rejected and angry.

I think you two have a severe communication problem. A sentence like: "Now I'm just broken." is actually meaningless. I'm not invalidating whatever feeling made you say that. But I have no idea what you mean. When you use the term "broken," you are speaking metaphorically. Metaphors can really confuse things. The metaphor you appropriate is loaded with your own private meaning. But it may not signify that same meaning to anyone but you.

As an illustration: Quite a few decades ago, doctors stopped using the term, "nervous breakdown." From the beginning, that had been a metaphor. Even when the term had currency, it was not believed by lots of doctors that it corresponded to any actual physical damage to a patient's nervous system. Doctors do not use that phrase anymore. They consider it meaningless. Some lay people like to use it. For them, it means things that they want it to mean, some of which have no basis in science. People get to confusing theory with fact.

For instance, "borderline personality " is an abstract concept. It's not an actual thing like "measles." The term denotes a theory widely held by psych professionals, which they have found to be useful. Theories are very valuable, but a theory is not a fact. It's conceivable that, someday, the theory of "borderline personality disorder" may be discarded and replaced by something else, or by two or three something elses. When a lay person peppers their talk with phrases picked up from psych professionals and from literature about psychology/psychiatry, they are unknowingly getting on board a lot of premises that are quite debatable. But they don't know that.

You may be alienating your husband by insisting on referring to concepts that may not resonate with him. (Or he may be doing that to you.) You may have internalized assumptions that he does not happen to have made. So stick to facts. How you feel, btw, is a fact. How you behave is a fact. How you behave may fit a pattern that professionals like to describe as typical of a syndrome they call BPD. But that term is completely unnecessary for your husband and you to employ. Avoid it.