Oh, Scatter, that's so much to try and deal with. It doesn't sound like it's just today that you feel bad. Am I right? And your son mentioning his concern about the possibility of you having SI might not be "just" something you have to think about the perspective of a parent. I totally hear you on that--our boys having to deal with our bipolar is a huge heart-breaker. I get it!

But it's also something we need to think about from the perspective of a person with a significant, life-long, chronic illness. Your boy's noticing signs and symptoms you need to consider. When I read your description of the house, bills, how you feel like you don't want to do what it takes to get better, etc., I felt like you were providing us with the clearest possible picture. It takes time for those things to fall into their current state, right? So this didn't happen over night? And it's getting worse? Is that what you're saying?

You've gotten a lot of good advice and support here, but I am wondering if you might need medical support than you're getting with your pdoc. I am so sad for how much of a struggle you are going through. I wish I could bring you dinner and do your laundry ( wish I could do my own too, but that's beside the point. )

Are you thinking you might need IP? Is that what you are saying, "I just don't know" about? If not, I know you mentioned that even going to therapy would be a huge challenge with your work schedule, but sometimes even just seeing our pdoc and getting therapy once a week is bare-bones treatment. Still, many places/providers have evening hours to accommodate folks in your shoes. Please ask your pdoc if he has a recommendation.

And let us know what else we can do to support you. We are here. You are not alone. We are here.

Love and hugs--