things are getting worse...
external triggers are not helping...
internal warfare is destabilizing everything...
i dont even know whats going on... im just floating through the motion without takin the memories with me...
think im going to lose it,,, i dont wanna go mad... insane...

sleep deprivation is more too... so tired... cant sleep...
emotions and feelings coming up because im sober, not drowning them with alcohol...
and i HATE emotions... i hate feelings... this stuff sucks...
i just want to get out of this... its not fair, i didnt ask for any of it and its like it didnt happen to me anyway so why do i have to suffer the consequences...

i hate my life...