So, as many of you know, I have some pretty strong paternal transference for my marriage counselor (MC). I've had some similar issues with male authority figures in the past, I think stemming from my father's emotional distance. Those attachments ended poorly.

I've talked considerably with MC about the topic (in a couple individual sessions when I first realized I had the transference, then in joint sessions with H and on occasional phone calls and e-mails). He's been very open to talking about it, normalizing rather than pathologizing, and good with holding/containing the feelings, including my fears of abandonment. For which I am grateful.

He's said that working through transference (rather than avoiding/running from it) can be good, especially if one has had bad experiences in the past. Because it can take a past experience and give it a new, better ending (like, not being hurt/abandoned). So at first, I thought resolving the transference just meant accepting that MC wouldn't reject or abandon me.

But now, as I've talked about it and thought about it more, I'm wondering if it actually means something else. But what? One thought I had was NOT letting the authority figure have all the power over me. Yes, this could mean me leaving first so I don't get abandoned. But in a more healthy way, sort of using the relationship to become more confident in myself, and seeing that person as almost more of, say, a mentor, a coach than a capital-A Authority Figure. Like maybe he could help guide me, but he doesn't decide whether I'm worthy of not being abandoned (I'm sure I could word that better!). Or whether I'm good enough.

Maybe it's more about gaining self-worth and being less dependent on that authority figure. The need for me to improve my self-worth is something that's come up both from MC and my individual T. So could that be it?
I think it would help me to have some goal to work toward other than "don't be abandoned"--something that gives me more power.

For those of you who have dealt with or are currently dealing with maternal or paternal transference...what do you think "resolving it" or "working through it" means?

Note to mods: This post/thread deals with paternal/maternal transference, NOT the other kind, so could you please keep this in the main Psychotherapy forum rather than moving it to the Romantic subforum? Thanks!