I put myself in the corner, and I cannot do anything right now, which makes me feel even worse. I knew this would happen to me, that's why I didn't come home earlier. I was thinking what if things turned to be like they are now. I was stupid to even consider returning home. Now I am not sure how to leave. Yes, I am under pressure all the time. I don't want to see anyone, but I am faced with shaming and criticism. My father keeps criticizing me whether I talked or not. He doesn't like me being quiet, and he doesn't like me when I speak. He wants me to be his ideal and imaginary son, the image in his mind he wishes me to be. He doesn't want to accept me as I am the awkward and quiet son. That is why I want to leave so badly. If they were more accepting and loving, I would stay. But like this ... no way. The problem is that he thinks he is a loving father. He is very delusional. Today he cried while lecturing me because according to him I am destroying his life because of my lack of social skills and from being in distance from people. I don't now why he gets his value from me. I cannot live my life and I don't want to live my life, not as he wants. Why does he make it about him? I don't understand ... I have made my mind. I am leaving this time with no return. I am just waiting the right moment to leave.