Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron
My T calls our relationship reparative, which I think encompasses some of the stuff you talk about in the post. So that seems to be one function of it, like it's a vessel for the work rather than the work itself.
I also think if it's an element of the relationship which emerges, it's really important to deal with aspects of the relationship in the here-and-now, so it is important for that reason too. And for me, like you, there's something about noticing how this relates to my relationship with men more generally.
I do have another thought though, which may resonate, otherwise you are welcome to discard it.
With T1, I had all of these feelings but there were so many blocks to exploring them. T1 wouldn't engage with them in the way that I needed, and I thought when you said today about MC turning the focus to H's feelings when the topic coming up - MC can't engage with your feelings in the way that you need because he is your marriage counsellor, not your therapist.
With T1, I eventually had to say "this is not somewhere I can explore this stuff freely. This is not the appropriate platform" and that's why I found T. And those feelings did resolve themselves as I dove deeply into them with T. I just don't know whether trying to resolve them in marriage counselling is going to ultimately leave you feeling unheard and like your feelings have been marginalised. I know you do discuss it with T but I get the sense you ultimately still want to work through it with MC primarily. Do you see a way forward for that in the context of marriage counselling? Is it possible to develop a strategy for that you can all agree on? If not it seems like you're going to be left feeling repeatedly unsatisfied with MC.  |
Thanks, Echos. We actually ended up discussing some stuff about transference near the end of the session today. And I brought up the fact that MC will say it's OK to discuss in session, but then either something else will come up (like a few weeks ago when H said initially that we could talk about it in session, but then he wanted to talk about my being snippy with him, which took up most of the session) or the time I was referring to when MC asked H how he was feeling.
That session came up today, and I'd forgotten (H reminded me) that it was when I was referring to males in the past I'd felt overly attached to, including a couple exes, that teacher, and MC. And H was making a face, so MC had asked him about it. It was because he felt like he belonged on that list. I explained that those were people who I'd given too much power over me, and that I saw H as more of an equal, so more of a healthy relationship. (I should have explained that more before giving examples).
So H was saying today that he'd be OK with talking more about transference stuff in session, and MC is open to it as well. So I'm hoping we can just discuss it periodically, when it comes up (like today). So that I'll still have the chance to work through it with MC, which is my preference, since I've already come part of the way with him and generally trust him (aside from the periodic abandonment fears). It's taken me a long time to get to that point (maybe would have been faster if it had been an individual T), so it's like I want to continue down that road if possible. Instead of starting from scratch with someone new, say, after my T retires.
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