Hello withoutaplan: I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I'm not a mental health professional. So I certainly cannot diagnose you. But from what you wrote, I would say it's likely the difficulty you are having is as a result of depression. Depression, along with anxiety, is something I struggled with over the years & I know I spent many years "not doing" the same sorts of things you're not doing.

I do think it would be worthwhile for you to look into some individual therapy as a way of beginning to sort through the difficult experiences you've had & how they may be affecting you now. It can sometimes take a while to find a therapist you feel comfortable with. But if you can find one, you may find talking your experiences through with that person most helpful. At least it would certainly be worth a try.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!