I've dealt with depression for at least 18 years now. It made me drop out of school, cost me my only job, cost me my only real friends, and has basically left me as nothing but a hollow shell. I've sat around for the last 15 years or so just rotting away. I live with my parents but they just sit back and watch, they don't understand at all. Without a job I have no money to seek any real help, plus with my anxiety I'm too afraid to do things anyway. I'm in a place I desperately want to get away from, meaning both the way I feel mentally and that I want to move away from here because I hate it here.

My biggest problem is loneliness, which is just made worse by the fact that my anxiety seems to be getting worse. As I said I have no friends, just some people online I chat with in text. Other than a very brief online relationship I've been single my entire life. I've wanted to get married and have a family of my own for so long now, but my problems make that basically impossible.

I feel completely empty inside, and completely lost. I feel like without help I'll just end up like this the rest of my life, but I can't find help. Anything online doesn't seem to help, without someone around me I just fall apart again. I've been trying to find people in my area that might help, but the anxiety is keeping me from doing anything other than hoping for a miracle that I can find someone online that lives around me and would be willing to to help me. I just don't know what to do.