T,
I'm struggeling, immensely so. Last night was not good. I hardly slept. The feeling that I need to annihilate myself. Still triggered and in flashback mode.
Will I call you? I'm not sure. My younger parts are scared. They are not sure that you are on my side. This uncertainty is enough for them to withdraw. Because it feels unsafe. Besides, you will come up with the same old question "what do you need from me". And telling me, that my anger (at you, at my partner at the rest of the world) is projection. You might be right. But right now I need you to see, to witness my anger. To let me know that I'm "allowed" to be angry. and furious. At the moment, if you question this anger you question my right to exist. We can come back to projection mode later on, can we? Are you able to hold back and just let my anger be? To give it the space it needs? Can you bear that?
I'm not sure...

desperate and doubting, c_r