I can understand what you are saying but the therapy relationship is different. It can point you to issues in the "real world," and help you see what you are missing. But I would never express my feelings to my family in the same raw, unbridled way that I do to my therapist, who is trained to put the client first and be non-defensive and accepting.

I have to say, if someone in my family told me they felt that their T cared about them more than I did, I would probably have a similar kind of reaction as your daughter. The feeling you have may be very real, and your daughter's actions in the real world may contribute to that feeling, but it's not such a helpful thing for you to say to your kid. It seems, to me, like it's designed to induce guilt. It's kind of a passive aggressive thing to say. It's like someone saying mournfully, "You don't love me!" The response you get is going to be "Yes I do," but it's going to be a kind of angry response. This approach is unlikely to get you the kind of caring and reassurance that you want. In fact, it's going to get you the exact opposite--people will feel like no matter what you do, you will find them wanting.

What might help more is asking for specific things you need in a much more positive way: "You know, daughter, I really love chatting with you and I feel lonely when I don't hear from you in awhile. I wish you'd call me once a week." That conveys a positive message to your daughter, expresses your emotional need, and suggests a specific thing for her to do.

I will say, though, that I felt neglected by my family, and tried conveying that in the positive and specific way I suggested above, and they have completely failed to do the incredibly minor things I asked for. So, you know, sometimes families really do just disappoint you. It is sad. But the sadness of that is separate from my relationship with my therapist. It's not useful to compare the two.