I am so sorry to hear this! It sounds awful. I wish I could hug you. What has your therapist said about this? Since your dx is not listed, it's hard to know how to respond.

There are many different things that can increase and/or mimic your bipolar symptoms. Some common comorbid conditions that frequently occur with bipolar can possibly cause your feelings to go up and down like you're experiencing even aside from bipolar.

Of course, I would never attempt to diagnose you, but it can help to keep other/additional diagnoses in mind especially when you're suffering so much.

For example, I have a comorbid anxiety issue that at times propels me into a frenzy that I have mistaken for early mania.

I don't know for sure if that's even what you're dealing with...a comorbid condition. Just a thought.

Sending love your way and hoping you can get in with your therapist.