Dear MC,
I think I *may* have figured out what I'm REALLY afraid of, in terms of whether you've changed as a result of your loss. I mean, yeah, fear that you'll lose empathy, fear that you won't be as caring, definitely. But there's another thing that just hit me.

I've said before that it's like you understand me in a way that no one else has, at least not in recent history. So in some ways, it feels like you, out of anyone, have the most potential to "fix me." Yes, I know that ultimately I have to fix myself, but, between your understanding of me and your psychological training, you seem uniquely positioned to give me the tools and support I need to do that.

But how can you fix me if you're broken yourself? Because I think maybe that's what I'm seeing in your eyes (and understandably so). It's like this line in a Sunny Day Real Estate song: "How I long to heal your wounds. But I bleed, myself."

I think you'll manage to fix yourself again. I mean, you'll still have some cracks, but you had some before, too. And that's part of what makes you such a good therapist. So maybe I just need to give you more time...because I saw a glimmer of the "old you" in your eyes when you were giving me that preemptive reassurance at the end of the session yesterday. So you're still in there--I think I just needed to be reminded of that.
Love,
LT