Quote:
“The first thing you need to learn is that the person who is angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem...Maintaining your boundaries is good for other people; it will help them learn what their families of origin did not teach them: to respect other people.
“Do not let anger be a cue for you to do something. People without boundaries respond automatically to the anger of others. They rescue, seek approval, or get angry themselves. There is great power in inactivity. Do not let an out-of-control person be the cue for you to change your course. Just allow him to be angry and decide for yourself what you need to do.” (p.248)
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This is good information for you Mr. Stranger. Even though you are now in the environment that created your challenge in the first place which can most definitely be triggering as you are clearly defining in your posts/different threads. You can begin to work on practicing setting boundaries even though you are dealing with parents that never respected your boundaries.
Now that you have returned to your home environment, you can spend time on the things that are said to you that disrespect your boundaries and you can begin to recognize the toxic way your father behaves, write these things down which you have been doing here which is actually something you need to do so you can begin working on correcting how you "unknowingly" absorb these negative messages as truths. How you can recognize this is through your own self talk. For example, "it's my fault, I am a loser, I am stupid".
How could anyone feel comfortable socializing when raised the way your father raised you? It's not always "bad" when one is facing this kind of individual again and beginning to recognize a reality they may not have realized in their past. Sometimes this is a much needed clarification.
You are actually very good at articulating, you are not stupid either. Members that are responding to you can recognize this about you. You have been engaging socially, we are all real people and many of us can relate to a lot of the challenges you have shared. A lot of people can relate and share similar challenges that you have been sharing. While you think you are living on a different planet, you really aren't. It's hard being human for a lot of people, if that was not true this site would not be so busy.