Either she's not that interested in spending time with you, or there is some specific behavior of yours that she is afraid of encouraging.

I don't think too many women want guys as "friends," in the close confidant sense. She thinks of you more as an aquaintance that she cares about. You two have a shared history of working together. She hopes you recover from your psychiatric issues, but, obviously, she's not looking to be meeting up with you on a recurring basis. I think she's using the term "friend" on a much loser basis than you are. Not all friends are close friends.

When I have found myself contacting someone more than they were contacting me, I've backed off. That's because, like you, I would be hurt if it was always me who was initiating contact. I haven't felt the need to call the person up and announce that I was seeing the relationship in a different light. I would simply scale back my expectations and invest less. No need to make a "break" with the person. I think this is what most people do.

If someone were trying to connect with me more than I was welcoming, then I would do exactly what she is doing with you. I think that's kind of the normal way that people socialise and control how much involvement they have with others.

It is disappointing when someone has less desire to be close than I have, of course. But I tell myself that's the way the cookie crumbles and time to invest my energy and interest elsewhere. I think you took certain things she said way too literally. Like the idea that you could call her anytime. People say that a lot, but don't always mean the same thing.

It seems like she was answering a need you have, but she doesn't have that big of a need for you. Friendships are happiest, I think, when there is more reciprocity.

Here's another way that I think you set yourself up for hurt. You seem to think that people you know should take into account your "abandonment issues" and be wary of aggravating them. That's really not their responsibility. That's kind of your own problem. Certainly, no one person wants to be your life preserver.

The professionals in your life have a different kind of responsibility. You've been disappointed by them. But friends aren't going to make themselves responsible for fixing hurt you feel over how counselors and doctors treat you.