Hi there I hear you. I was brought up in a "stay together for the sake of the kids" home.
My parents abused each other constantly, my mother is also very damaged (her mother tried to sell her to a man when she was 9. Amongst other horrific things.) My dad treated her like she was incompetent and crazy, meanwhile acting like the steady stabilising influence. It was easy to blame mum for what we went through but it wasn't that simple.
To say me and My brother got screwed up is a massive understatement, but we are still here and trying to move forward.
Fact is my mum knows what she did to screw things up. Occasionally it comes up, and like you I don't see any benefit to going over it. I don't neued validation from her I know she feels guilty enough .
Is it possible she needs validation though? Or do you feel she is looking got alleviate the guilt she feels by believing your pass was caused by something other than your upbringing?