Quote:
Originally Posted by Moment acceptance
About a month ago I realized that I had and have only biological parents..... nothing more... They had sex, gave me life, I had a place to sleep and eat.... and nothing more..... And in a way it is still unthinkable for me that I wasn't loved....
So I really understand you how it hurts beneath....
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I'm sorry that you understand the pain that goes along with it.
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My father never once hugged me or told me he loved me either.The first time I hugged him(well tried to hug him),I was about 30 years old and it was more of an obligatory one,there had been a death in his family and I felt it was expected of me so it was a quick 2 second,kind of hug,so foreign and awkward.
As a child though,it didn't bother me not being loved by him.I never tried to get him to love me like I did my mother.I believed that's how all fathers were.He wasn't loving or kind to anyone so I didn't expect him to be to me.I didn't want him to be anyway.Although I was raised by both him and my mother,grew up in the same house,I didn't really know him and didn't want to.I was too afraid of him and that fear never left,even in adulthood.
It wasn't until he died that I realized everything I missed out on and how it should have been.And when I went through old pictures I realized there's none at all of me and him together from childhood and only one with him as an adult,and in that picture it's obvious I didn't even want to stand by him.
Strange how it's so different with my mother,but I guess everyone wants a loving,caring mom.