I feel like I have failed at divorce. I just can't do this. I cannot get along with one of our essential team members. I have bent over backwards to work with this guy and we keep having one misunderstanding or falling out after another. I usually am not a hard person to get along with. I collaborate successfully with many different sorts of people at my job.

Last session I spent almost the whole time with T going over my difficulties with this person. T advised writing him an email and had suggestions for what to say to clear up the problems between us. I did this. Got back an email in which I feel like this person ***** all over me. Well, that was successful. I don't know what to do now. I almost sent him another email to try to explain myself better since he seemed not to have understood me at all and had in fact not responded to my most important concern. But then I realized that it is probably not that he sincerely misunderstood but that he deliberately misunderstood. This has been going on too long for him to truly be misunderstanding me. I am a pretty clear thinker and writer--what more can I say to him? So I didn't email him again. But I was ticked off because among other things he implied that I was being unethical. I need to take this crap from someone I am compensating generously for his time and services? I sought legal advice and the suggestion was made that I terminate the professional relationship with this guy. And start with someone new in his role. That will set us back. My husband will be furious. I'm scared for when he finds out.

I am really trying to move this divorce along and am just totally failing. And I feel I am not behaving well. I'm getting angry and I should be able to control that better. Can't I just suck it up and tolerate this guy? I have tried so very hard. Now I feel really unsafe with him and threatened. I have more anxiety about working with him than about the divorce itself, which is crazy. This is going to sound absurd, but I think I am angrier at this guy for how he has treated me than I have ever been at my husband.

I have this fear that next time I see T he will want to try to patch up the relationship between me and this team member. Like a couples session for a professional relationship. One time a while back he told me he wanted to help facilitate an emotionally attuned conversation between the two of us. I felt like barfing when I heard that. I don't want emotional attunement with this person. I just want him to treat me fairly and professionally.

I hate this. I feel like such a loser that I cannot make this work.