Dear M,

I get so annoyed when I suddenly get back a lost memory in session and then we spend the whole hour fleshing it out and trawling around for details and causes and consequences and implications.... because we don't do anything therapeutic and then I'm stuck for the week with this stupid awful memory.

Like, I could have had the flashback on my own time, not on the clock with you, and then I could go in to see you and do something about it. I didn't have the flashback on my own.... but I could have and it would have made no difference.

I wish I could go back in to see you and tell you how everything is hard and how I have no idea how to structure my life so that I'm not inadvertantly perpetuating the trauma. I'm just flailing around with no clue. See you on May 8 I guess.