I agree that maybe the rapid cycling part of what you've talked about could be the BPD part of your diagnosis. I say this because my understanding is that pdocs sometimes treat people with that diagnosis less than ideally and -related to your dilemma- don't think that meds will help with it, only therapy, specifically DBT.

Now obviously that hasn't helped enough, there's no doubt about that. If there's any way you can find a pdoc with a sliding scale (and one who would take all of your diagnoses seriously) than I would do everything possible to find one. Not that you haven't, but who knows maybe there's one out there who you can afford and who will truly help you.

I'm so sorry you're in the position you're in. There are alternatives to sui and professionals out there who would want to help you and know how. You have a bad apple, but there are good ones out there.

I assume your T cares about you, and certainly a lot of people here care about you, support you, and want to keep you around.

Please be safe. It's worth it to stick around.