This makes sense to me! Reading this and some other responses made me have some insights:

So, OK, initially my transference was the idealized kind. MC was the father (and initially, I thought, romantic partner--then realized was paternal) I wish I'd had. To me he was like the perfect dad--caring and understanding, knowing how to deal with his daughter's (and later his son's) anxiety problems.

Some of his stories/self-disclosures about his not-so-proud moments as a father and husband have made me realize he's far from ideal in either role (yelling at his son till the son cried and asked if he still loved him, inding ways to avoid doing the dishes and other chores, punching a wall on more than one occasion...). In other words, that he's human. And isn't like he is in session 24 h a day in real life. Because he couldn't be, unless he's some sort of saint. I still adored/adore him and was/am very attached to him, just in a less idealized way.

But now I'm wondering if there could be some negative transference at play, too. Is my anger at him about things like the office move, being more strict on session times (though he wasn't on Monday...), feeling like he's less empathic and emotionally available--is that actually anger at my parents? Particularly the empathy stuff...

Plus there's the whole parallel thing that my mom had cancer when I was 12, which was when my anxiety issues really ramped up--she survived, just needed surgery, no recurrence, but of course I didn't know how things would turn out at the time. Plus she was so secretive about health stuff that she could have been dying and wouldn't have told me (and my dad would have followed her lead). So during that time, my dad had to be there for her more than for me. I know I've shared this before on these forums, but: At one point, when my separation anxiety had reached a peak and my mom was really frustrated and upset with me, my dad seemed mad at me, too. I said something to him about it, and he said "Maybe I love your mother a little more than I love you." At that point, I think my brain registered physical illness > mental illness.

To clarify: I do NOT for one second think MC should have ever prioritized me over his dying wife. I'm looking at this as a transference thing regarding my father. And MC's wife's illness dredging up more feelings from my past.

So...if that is the case, now I need to figure out where to go from here (besides, of course, talking about it with my T and probably MC as well, since H has said he's OK talking about this stuff in there).