I have known this all the way long, but recently the criticism of my father has made it crystal clear that people don't judge me just to be polite. I take one of two states socially: either silent awkwardly and anxiously, or saying stupid things with low self-esteem and no confidence. In either case, I am cursed. The third option is to be alone completely, in which case no one would care or ask about me, because they would think I am not reaching out. I also cannot avoid all social situations, like when someone visits me. I don't know how to go about this or to continue like this!!!!! Everything is so painful and depressing.