@Glamslam - I normally ask her how is she, but perhaps next time if she messages me i'll say something like "i know you are having problems but how are YOU doing?" I know she's not my therapist, I really don't think I need one I was told by the hospital I have to go because what they did normally takes a while to do. Perhaps I should just work on excercising, being more active, learn to meditate then talk about my problems that I REALLY don't wanna talk about due to feeling like they will just laugh at me judging me like i secretly feel everyone is doing to me. I KNOW this is silly what I am thinking, but I can't stop thinking it and it drives me crazy and it feels like it's never going to go away, it's always going to be a part of my life no matter how much therapy I get or don't get. I mean I told my therapist you can tell me things but it doesn't mean i'm actually going to do them. Sometimes I get told something, I want something but I don't do it even if it will benefit me. I'd need to do something extreme to get me to do it like give you my paycheck, shut off my internet.

@Rose76 - I'd not actually call her up and start blasting her, i'm pretty passive about how I handle things. Maybe i'd think it but I wont actually say anything, I would not even call her and talk about any of this, just what's been happening or whatever she wants to talk about. I also don't want aquantances, I have a ton of them at work. I talk to them about things and work with them but that's it, once i'm off they wont see me until I work again. I'd rather find people to hang out with. I aint going to talk to her about any of this, it's my problem because my life sucks, life sucks! I would not even say that to her (Well, I don't want to keep bothering you when you really don't have room for me in your busy life.), i'd just disappear and if she asks where I was i'd likely tell her that I need to disappear for a while, I got too many issues right now and need to worry about myself for a while. She'd likely tell me to message her every now and then and keep her updated and i'd likely not message her for a long while and not keep her updated until i'm ready to talk. Also about the money part...I don't like to brag to people, just the people I like I would help out because it's what I've been doing since I was a little kid.

I'm like mr Milktoast, I don't wanna bother people and I got no idea what they are actually saying about me, also if I kept say phoning them say 1-2 times a week? how would I know if i'm being mr annoying always wanting to talk? people who have called me when I see their name I go "ugh", I also think of myself as that person when they see my name. I can't read them, sometimes people are too nice to say "please stop calling me so much", so i'd just call once a month. Literally impossible to be annoyed that way unless you hate the person.

Anyway now i'll disappear from this thread for a while, didn't wanna be seen as rude not replying. Adios until later, hope you guys are well.