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But now I'm wondering if there could be some negative transference at play, too. Is my anger at him about things like the office move, being more strict on session times (though he wasn't on Monday...), feeling like he's less empathic and emotionally available--is that actually anger at my parents? Particularly the empathy stuff...
Plus there's the whole parallel thing that my mom had cancer when I was 12, which was when my anxiety issues really ramped up--she survived, just needed surgery, no recurrence, but of course I didn't know how things would turn out at the time. Plus she was so secretive about health stuff that she could have been dying and wouldn't have told me (and my dad would have followed her lead). So during that time, my dad had to be there for her more than for me. I know I've shared this before on these forums, but: At one point, when my separation anxiety had reached a peak and my mom was really frustrated and upset with me, my dad seemed mad at me, too. I said something to him about it, and he said "Maybe I love your mother a little more than I love you." At that point, I think my brain registered physical illness > mental illness.
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I've read there is anger under an idealizing transference. I don't think that's always the case, but an idealizing transference can protect us from feelings, for sure.
I'm sorry you lost your mom so young and your father hurt you. When your mom left you, even though it wasn't her fault, it can still feel like abandonment. If transference somehow reflects unmet needs perhaps MC provides you with the reassurance your father never gave you at a time when you needed it most?
If you haven't worked through the grief resulting from this situation, maybe now is the time. This might be a breakthrough for you. I hope you make progress.