Quote:
Originally Posted by Skies
I've read there is anger under an idealizing transference. I don't think that's always the case, but an idealizing transference can protect us from feelings, for sure.
I'm sorry you lost your mom so young and your father hurt you. When your mom left you, even though it wasn't her fault, it can still feel like abandonment. If transference somehow reflects unmet needs perhaps MC provides you with the reassurance your father never gave you at a time when you needed it most?
If you haven't worked through the grief resulting from this situation, maybe now is the time. This might be a breakthrough for you. I hope you make progress.
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Oh, to clarify, my mom didn't die--thought I said that before. She was OK. It was just dealing with the fear of losing her...which wasn't helped by the fact that she was so secretive about health stuff. When she had a second surgery a year later to help prevent a possible cancer recurrence (full hysterectomy--first cancer was ovarian), I learned she was having it when my grandmother asked me, "So when is your mom's surgery again?" And I was like, "Uh, what?" So I never felt I could trust that everything was OK...
And it's not like they reassured me or were understanding about my intense anxiety. They seemed completely unsympathetic to my separation fears, like it was just a horrible inconvenience. (I was an only child, so it's not like I had someone else to share in my fears.) There's other stuff around there, too, like when they held me down to try to force me to take an anti-anxiety pill...
Related to the health secrecy, there was the time a couple years ago when she casually made reference to "when they thought I had jaw cancer," and I was like, "What?!?" And she was like, "Oh, I thought I told you about that?" To which I was like, "Um, no, think I would have remembered that..."