Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelingOpaque
Have you spoken with your daughter about your concerns with her future? Not just in your home, but in general? I know everyones different, our BPD expresses itself in different ways in our lives and we all react to things differently - and i dont know what kind of relationship you have with her.
Gas she been diagnosed? Has she evee sought help? Does she recognized that she has a mental illness? BPD is a dysfunction in how our brain works, and the treatment is supposed to teach us how to deal - are these things you ever spoke about with her? Or did she ever bring them up?
Its important , at least for me, to tecognoze that i had a serious problem that wasnt always under my control. Can you imagine waking up depressed in the morning, feeling calm and happy in the afternoon, angry in the evening, then severly depressed at night, beimg tottally confused all the time and thinking that its putely your fault- whenin reality it is a serious chemical imbalance in the brain that is causing you to misinterpert and misunderstand almost everything around you?
I kind of just rambled here, but maubr you can open the dialogue. Nobody, i reapet, nobody, healthy or ill like to be told, or forced how to behave.
Find out what she thinks is happening in her life, in her mind.
Again, i kimd of rambled, but i think that opening the dialogie is where to start before demanding a change because to be honest she'll probably flip her **** and do some drastic things to others and herself and she wont know how to cope.
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First of all, thank you for your reply.
Yes, I have opened a dialogue, and she has agreed she has an illness, and she agrees she should not be with her current boyfriend. But then in the next breath, she is outside his house, writing abusive messages to him, and saying 'if you don't come meet me, you'll regret it.' Last night, she went out after her dad's birthday meal, lied about who she was meeting, then I get a message from a random girl saying that my DD had messaged her telling her she was going to take an overdose. I went and got DD's laptop to check her messages for evidence since she was not answering her own phone message I sent her.
Flash forward to today and she went to her therapist who told her next time I look at her private messages she should call the police and report me.
Now, the absolute CRUCIAL piece I do not understand is that YES, I do know that no-one likes their life being controlled, but what does that MEAN for me? Have I to let her live in my home, with absolutely zero rules, using a car she was given for free, the insurance and tax paid for, health insurance her dad pays for, and I say nothing? I do not understand what I can do and what is controlling. Right now, she has no rules. AT ALL. This is important for me to get across. This is how she behaves with no control! I do not lay down the law, I do not have house rules. She lives at home, rent free, she has no job, has quit school and comes and goes as she pleases. And I would NEVER have lifted her laptop had a girl not text me that she was planning on killing herself.
I am heartbroken and at a complete loss as to how to help her and how to stop her making absolute **** life choices!
Please help!!! And advice welcome!
I'd also say she's bordering on sociopath. She has no empathy. She is manipulative to the nth degree. She is abusive and mean and nasty when she wants to be. She is only interested in things SHE wants. I am absolutely desperate. It is going to ruin my marriage, and I feel like I cannot live like this any more.