As hard as it is to say, it does very little to lavish her with material goods. You mentioned she's bordering on sociopath and has no empathy, did you use your point-of-view or her point-of-view to look at her?
Don't assume who she is yet.
There is many questions to ask:
- How do you communicate, verbally or non-verbally?
- Do you point out her flaws (with an intent for her to be aware or level to your expectations?)
- Did you recall talking to her in a way it may have speculated her character?
- Mirror you and her character/actions, look
very closely, pick up any similarities and self-study on it.
From a 3rd party perspective:
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebecca1938
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Flash forward to today and she went to her therapist who told her next time I look at her private messages she should call the police and report me.
She could be afraid of how you see her if you were to check on her private message.
Now, the absolute CRUCIAL piece I do not understand is that YES, I do know that no-one likes their life being controlled, but what does that MEAN for me? Have I to let her live in my home, with absolutely zero rules, using a car she was given for free, the insurance and tax paid for, health insurance her dad pays for, and I say nothing?
No one likes to be controlled too much, but if one has too much freedom they might make unwise decisions. Be there to guide her, show her.
I do not understand what I can do and what is controlling. Right now, she has no rules. AT ALL. This is important for me to get across. This is how she behaves with no control! I do not lay down the law, I do not have house rules. She lives at home, rent free, she has no job, has quit school and comes and goes as she pleases. And I would NEVER have lifted her laptop had a girl not text me that she was planning on killing herself.
My elder brother acts like this, because my father is too authoritative, and hardly says comforting words to our own family members. However, my father is a kind person, just with a poisonous tone.
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I'd also say she's bordering on sociopath. She has no empathy. She is manipulative to the nth degree. She is abusive and mean and nasty when she wants to be. She is only interested in things SHE wants. I am absolutely desperate. It is going to ruin my marriage, and I feel like I cannot live like this any more.
She is or she acts like?
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I, in no way is an expert or a Therapist, this is just my questions/views as an outsider. I mean no offence and neither do I want to show that I am correct.
I live by this rule, "How you do what you do, is more important than what you do". I'm here to listen thoroughly regardless of how things goes. You must persist in getting it right, not by your own method all the time.
I seem like I might be making an assumption, but don't see it as this way. I'm rooting for you!
I admire the first step she took was to admit she has illness. I admire that you're trying to build a bridge despite many unsuccessful attempt, just continue doing it.