I'm feeling a little better today. I think my biggest issue is not having friends. I look forward to the time when I have a place to live and my own income. Hopefully that time is not far away.

I am very pleased with my youngsters, they are good kids and hugely supportive. I am actually glad that STBX has a girlfriend, otherwise I'd be having a much harder time getting out. It's just a blow to my self esteem. She's younger and still has a personality and style of her own. I'm a drab, tired, shell of an older woman just now, not a good comparison. I am glad she is with him but I wish I'd found a way to move out first. I am seeking work but have no references since I was a kept woman who wasn't allowed to have friends or a life of my own. No one really knows me and I haven't worked for many years. When I do find a job I'll have to save up bond and find references to apply for rent. Once I have a place, I don't have any friends to help me pack or move in. So I'm feeling a bit frightened of the whole process.

But excited too! My mood is bouncing up and down between fear and optimism.

Thank you Skeezyks for your reply. It means a lot. I have been feeling very invisible in the world lately and I was very nervous coming to check my post .