Hello everyone,

So I'm 28 years old married with no kids yet.

I don't judge my relationship with my mother as normal because she is very controlling and negative since forever. She never shows her feelings by kissing or hugging me nor my sister. She also do not want to visit people or let people visit her. She literrally has no friends and the only people she is comfortable around are her sisters. I recall how many times she gets angry when my dad invites people around. I feel that we are totally opposite and at many stages of my life I kept thinking about leaving the house simply because it is very hard to be a happy positive person around her. However, it was not possible for me since I live in a conservative environnement where a woman can't leave her parents' house until she gets married.

anyway, the problem started when I got engaged two years ago. Before the engagement party she behaved in a very negative way just doing her best to turn my happiness into unhappiness and anger. Whenever I show her something or talk to her about anything concerning the preparations she would simply answer in a negative way. Since I have the love and support of my dad, sister and fiance everything went fine until two days after the party. I woke up to her screaming and hitting her head against the wall. It was the scariest feeling I had. I did my best to convince her to see a specialist but she insisted that she is going to be fine. I spent three months in hell trying anything to cheer her up and to suck her negativity. She became angry at little things I do. She would freak out when I talk about anything related to my marriage. I couldn't stay positive and I remember getting very depressed at that time and not being able to work on my PhD, because of the uncomfortable situation at home, made it worse for me. I even went to GP and had medicine to be able to manage the amount of stress I was particullary facing.

Then out of sudden she accepted everything and started to act normal whenever anything related to my marriage occurs.

Everything went fine until a month ago. She went back to hitting her head against the wall and to crying every single morning. She says that she misses me although I live just few blocks away from her and I visit her often. However, before leaving the house we were not used to spend time together. As I previously commented, we were never close. At times we would only meet at dinner time and for just few minutes. What made things worse now is the fact that I am travelling with my husband to another country and we may live there for good. I would like to mention that she knew about this after two weeks of her anxious behavior.

Anyway, this time we insisted on her to see a doctor and she accepted (not convinced). The doctor said she has a depression and gave her an AD (Seroplex 10mg I guess it is an Escitalopram) and told her to be patient because the effect of the AD only starts in 2 to 3 weeks. Now it has been exactely 17 days since she started the AD. She blames us for taking her to the doctor and she is still depressed.

The whole family got affected by her behavior daddy is so miserable and doesn't know what to do and my sister who is in an important stage in her carreer feels helpless. As for me, I feel like I don't want to get involved again. I feel scared and guilty at the same time. I know it is crazy what I am about to say but she succeeded at making me feel responsible for her sickness and not being able to help her. Especially now she keeps saying to my sister "don't get married and leave me like your sister did" I'm also scared because whenever I go visit her I feel so down afterwards. In addition my husband is supposed to travel ahead of me so i'll be back with her for few months before joining him. This scares me as well. I don't want to end up depressed like I did two years ago and I don't want to see her like this.

I really need advice here on what to do. I can't seem to enjoy anything thinking about this. No matter what, she is my mother and I love her. But I feel so helpless...