Quote:
Originally Posted by Lonlin3zz
As hard as it is to say, it does very little to lavish her with material goods. You mentioned she's bordering on sociopath and has no empathy, did you use your point-of-view or her point-of-view to look at her? Don't assume who she is yet.
There is many questions to ask:
- How do you communicate, verbally or non-verbally?
- Do you point out her flaws (with an intent for her to be aware or level to your expectations?)
- Did you recall talking to her in a way it may have speculated her character?
- Mirror you and her character/actions, look very closely, pick up any similarities and self-study on it.
From a 3rd party perspective:
I, in no way is an expert or a Therapist, this is just my questions/views as an outsider. I mean no offence and neither do I want to show that I am correct.
I live by this rule, "How you do what you do, is more important than what you do". I'm here to listen thoroughly regardless of how things goes. You must persist in getting it right, not by your own method all the time.
I seem like I might be making an assumption, but don't see it as this way. I'm rooting for you!
I admire the first step she took was to admit she has illness. I admire that you're trying to build a bridge despite many unsuccessful attempt, just continue doing it.
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Thank you so much. It totally struck a chord when you said about she may not want me to read her messages because I would find out about her character. I believe this may be the case, given the terrible hurtful messages she is sending to people. She was probably mortified and that is where it is coming from.
I will consider the rest of your points, and I appreciate you taking the time to write this for me.
As of last night, she left the home. I was talking to my mother, and it struck me. The most obvious and startling thing about her personality is that she HAS to be 100% in control of everything at all times. For example, if I asked her to brush her teeth, she takes it as a personal attack. As she grew up, we used the usual parental tactics of if you do A, you lose your cell phone. Her answer? She bought her own plan, which she sometimes can't afford to pay, but she doesn't care because all she cares about is she has complete control over it and we can no longer threaten her with taking it away. Ditto the car. She hasn't got money to buy one yet, but when she does she will buy and old crap car, simply because then we can't take it away from her. Maybe these aren't the best discipline tactics, but doesn't every parent say those things are privileges and use them as discipline tools? But yes, control is her thing, and if its taken away, boy does she rage and melt down. (I get that everyone wants to control their own lives, but hers is way over normal levels, and is hurting her choices and decisions.)
In addition, she does not understand emotions. I will say to her, I need you answer me if I message you at midnight asking where you are because if you don't answer I start to worry. She totally blows this off, like what are you worrying for, I'm fine. She doesn't seem to be able to put herself in my shoes and understand that I am her mother, and so I worry. In fact, she acts like she should not be parented at all, but again I think that's to do with control. What is actually a loved one trying to guide their relative to happiness and success is seen by her as unwanted control.
I hope that helps to explain her a bit more. Thanks again and I will re-read your reply and give it more thought!