im afraid...
i can't go on like this... i know im having a mental breakdown...
i feel like everyone is turning on me... i have no one... i have no friends...
theres a voice in my head saying just kill yourself... your not worth living anyway.. all kinds of things... and im trying to tell it to stop...

then someone comes to me and starts talking and i dissociate it all, and i dissapear, the pain dissapears, everything goes away, but then it will come back when i am alone, i dont want to be alone... i dont want to feel it, i dont want to stop dissociating...

my head feels so strange... its so light and fuzzy... i feel so sepparete from it... i just want to leave the body all the way and go away for ever... this life is so hard...

this is the only place i can write my feelings you know :'( my feelings are confusing, i know, im sorry, im confused too...

edit:
now i feel different... i feel ok
i seem very unstable ... i dont know what i am, my moods keep switching, im ok.. but im embarrassed... im sorry about posting all of this, im going to leave for a while... i dont need to be here like this.. sorry.. im ok though

i did end up cutting earlier though, again, i dont know if that had something to do with it.. i dont know why i keep doing that...