Thanks Open Eyes. I appreciate the time and effort you put in all your replies. They are very informative.
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When I was little, I was the youngest and one of the things that challenged me the most was in my effort to grasp language I became the one with the least power. Every time I tried to talk and my father was present, I never got a chance to finish talking or making an effort to communicate. My father never failed to stop me and correct me in how I was trying to articulate. Because of that I developed a problem when it came to thinking about something I wanted to talk about and coming up with the words. What happened is that I began to develop a studder in my brain because I was anticipating that whatever I did manage to say was going to be criticized. I began to also develop a fear of talking to adults too where whatever I said would not be good enough. That is a kind of phobia. For a really long time I struggled that way and I also was afraid of eye contact too. What I did not understand at that time was how I was being encouraged to feel "shame". My father, in his effort to want me to learn how to speak good english, hurt me and shamed me instead of actually helping me.
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I have a similar experience. I believe I mentioned this before. When I was younger my father criticized me on everything I said or did. So, I learned not to do or say anything. But even then, I was criticized of being silent. I believe that is why I developed social anxiety. However, my father didn't stop there. The other day he sat down with me and criticized me, very harshly. He criticized me on one occasion why I didn't say anything. And he criticized me on another occasion when I managed to speak, telling me that I must speak better, while mocking me on what I said. As I said, when I talk, I tend to be naive and simple, and say foolish things. I believe my father is not alone in feeling this way, because no one respects me, and I guess it is because of that.
This brings me to the point that I am articulate here. I am not sure what that means, but here I don't feel anxious, and I am open because I know no one will criticize me, so, I speak my mind frankly. But when around people, especially with my father sitting, I cannot do that. I become very self-conscious and I think many times before I talk. But also, if I managed to talk, and didn't find a listening ear, or when I am being ignored, I immediately feel down, and effectively will stop talking. That is why I said I have no resilience in social situations. Others would keep talking.
When you hear of someone like me, you would expect someone who is confident, knowledgeable, and able to communicate that knowledge, and a conversationalist, yet if you meet me in reality you will be meeting a 12 years old child, in a 35 years old man's body. I don't know of anyone who is like me in the social life. I read some posts from others, but although they say they struggle socially, you will find that they have friends, partners, ... etc, while I have none. I can not even talk to someone who is 10 years younger than me without looking like an idiot, which happened few days ago and he acted like a boss on me because of that!!!!
I want to change, but now I don't have the energy or the willingness. When I was abroad I wasn't pressured to socialize, but now I am under pressure to socialize, which adds to my anxiety to be around people against my will, in which case I do very badly because I am not mentally prepared/willing to socialize.