Dear BlueDaisy-

I like all of Sophiesmom's advice.

I don't think people make big changes until they want to. Two years ago I attempted--the consequences of what I had done was shocking enough to me that I felt like it "softened up my heart" enough to open up, consider other opinions, get help, trust others, etc. I can't imagine what I put my children through. I worry that I may have effected them in negative ways--if I knew they gave up an opportunity (money/happiness/love) because of my bad behavior--it would make me feel even more depressed.

It's important to make sure you put your physical and mental health first. You can't help her when you are upset. Don't stay or visit more than you can handle. If you force yourself to keep up appearances but don't genuinely want to be there--I don't think that's good for either of you. It will just create more bitterness.

Please don't let your mom make you feel guilty. That is not a healthy genuine type of love (perhaps it's severe anxiety that needs therapy and/or medications). It's a good thing that you can look forward to traveling with your husband! It will be a great memory for both of you as you grow old together. Encourage your sister to follow her heart's desire and to put herself first. Since your mom sounds a bit out of reach--maybe try to send your sister and dad encouraging emails, letters, gifts or phone calls when you leave. It sounds like they are the ones who need the support....