I really feel for you Stranger because I understand how debilitating it can be when forced to be around the very toxic person that caused so much harm to you to begin with. It doesn't surprise me that you feel sapped of energy because you are in the environment where you developed this challenge. There are a lot of people that have to completely disconnect from their family because of how toxic it is for them.

I am glad to know that you feel "safe" here at PC though and that you can see that at least here you can communicate in a normal way. It's important that you look for "safe" places that help you distance from the toxic people you have around you. It's good to have a place to vent where others can comfort you and validate you.

I have something very toxic going on in my family right now, and I just can't get near it without struggling and suffering and feeling like it's my fault that I avoid it because of how badly I get triggered.

It's important that you distance as much as you can and work on a plan to leave this toxic family environment. What your father is doing with you is "wrong" and I am sorry that you have been dealing with that and no matter what you try you just get criticized.
I have had to distance myself from the toxic family situation I have going on now too, and how it can reduce me to feeling like a helpless child, but I experience that in flashbacks that come over me and cripple me. Unfortunately, the message I also get is blame, that it's my fault, so I hear you on that one.