I am not surprised you are feeling this way if he sat you down and criticised you harshly like that - and I am sorry he treated you that way yet again.

I relate very much to 'shutting down' in social situations too, that has happened to me before and I know how these memories can stay with us - maybe it's our brains trying to learn from the situation but it's not helpful, it just re-traumatises us. We need to let go of that shame and give ourselves compassion.

You deserve understanding and compassion Mr.Stranger, from others and from yourself.